saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
