Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
