yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
