I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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