He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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