oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
