did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
