i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
