too bad you live with your parents still
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it's like iHOP with fire
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
