Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
