Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
