Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I party with great urgency now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
