He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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