if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
