drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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