Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
