i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
