Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
