I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
