what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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