If i come over, it means nothing
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
