Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
