Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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