Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
