Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
