oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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