It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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