He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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