Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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