that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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