My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
ttyl tear gas
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
