this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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