quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
