I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
