I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
