My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
