if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
