its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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