i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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