So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize