I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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