HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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