All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
