I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
