Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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