He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
