You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
