dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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