He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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