hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There's even glitter on my cock...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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