Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
