guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
