great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
