your thong is hanging out like whoa
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
