I think I won the penis lottery.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
