the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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