THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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