How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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