I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
