Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
