I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
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i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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