i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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