then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
