i jhust puked up my retainher.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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