No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
