You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
