I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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