Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
