Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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