I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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