I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
