when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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