I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
