I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
