do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
