I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
