WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
