I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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