Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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