so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
