So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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