are you still at the devil's house?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
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